The Sound of My Pocket's Own Ruffling

I bought this phone a few months ago.

My old phone stopped working.

I researched all of my options.

I got a phone that calls people all of the time on accident.

I just love it when someone I haven't talked to in a long time calls me and asks if I called them and I have to sheepishly explain that my phone likes to call people by itself.

So that necessitated a reworking of my contacts list, just in case I don't call girls that I went on a date with 3 years ago at school.

But then there's those people I just don't call but I don't feel like I need to take them off my list.

If you get a call from me and you hear the sound of a pocket, yeah, that's my phone, not me.

It's really because the keypad on the exterior has a weak keypad lock and then if it smushes up against something while in my pocket it will easily access my contact list and then call them.

My fiance has gotten a fair number of these pseudo-calls, because not only do I talk to her a lot, but she is near the top of the contacts list alphabetically.

Where do I go from here?

I thought of just taking a really optimistic viewpoint and pretend like I did call people when they call me back. You know, shrug it off and ask how they are doing and tell them I was thinking about them.

Get a new phone? Maybe. Maybe.

Get a male purse? That's a topic for another post.

Turn my phone off when not in use? Yeah, perhaps, but that loses some of the immediacy of the cell phone.

Chuck it off of the 205 Bridge? It's intriguing...

Fakers, Curious Cases, and Comments

• Good thing I got yesterday's post in when I did, because it is already obsolete: the Fakers are in the Finals. How are things ever going to change, people??
• Last night Joelyssa watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It was what I thought it would be. Short stories seem to be the perfect format for taking a clever concept (like a man growing younger) and fleshing it out without going too deep. And while people adapt novels into movies all of the time, I think short stories are way better suited for film. A properly adapted novel would usually have to be at least ten hours long. Think of how long it takes to read a 250 page novel. Now some short stories take a good couple hours to read, which is of course a standard length for a movie. I want to see more short stories made into films, and I want to see less novels sold short.
• I don't know how else to respond to recent comments, but I figure in the body of the blog is good enough.
• Thanks on the site design, I wish I could say I did anything. I didn't even choose it. Just endorsed it.
• I don't use "Mom's" iPod to write posts. Even though I geek out on the iPod, I have found it is too cumbersome to write blog posts (although it is possible).
• Isaiah is cuter than ever.
• I don't remember kissing Melissa, but I know so far Melissa is 2 for 2 in writing awkward comments on my blog. :)
• This blog is not designed for old folks. Keep them away!

Why I want to see Denver and Orlando in the Finals

There are a few schools of thought on sports fanmanship. There are
those who always root for the teams that win year after year, the
teams from the big cities, the the teams with the big name players.
These fans are "front runners."

Then there are fans who loyally root for the home team, year after
agonizing year, and once their teams are eliminated from the
postseason, they root for similar teams that are underdogs. These are
"true fans."

Lebron v. Kobe would admittedly be an interesting series, but it is so
fun settling into my instinctual role as a true fan and rooting
against them in the conference finals.

Every year, every sport, I root for the underdog. I was born and bred
for this purpose. I have had my share of disappointments, but they
have made the victories all the more sweet.

Plus, you know I am in the minority and the NBA would get a better
rating with LA/LeBron. It would give me great satisfaction to have
the smaller cities playing for the rings.

(BTW this will never happen)

Trendy Suffix Watch: “-ist”

Hipsters and suits alike are buzzing over the latest designer suffix:

IST

I mean, what's the deal with those three letters? Everywhere I go people are adding –ist to the end of things. It's all over movies, blogs, books, and you may be next! A popular meme is to use the definite article preceding the title of a work. (e.g. The ___ist")

Here's some examples. The Illusionist (movie), The Alchemist (book), and about a billion blogs: The Consumerist, The Web Urbanist, The Futurist, The Transportationist, Nerdist, etc.

Maybe you haven't noticed yet, but it's the next big thing. In fact, prepare to be sick of it.

I guess people love labeling themselves followers/adherents/ proponents of very specific fields. This smart guy says that the suffix comes from Greek, packaged along with sister suffixes –ism and –ize, but many of the new –ists aren't interchangeable, adding further consternation to prescriptivist Greeks. I mean, even "prescriptivist" gets the squiggly red line and suggests the change to "prescriptivism."

I propose to out-hip the newest suffixists at their own game. Now, mind you, this is a bit before its time, but look for –ista. A suffix on the suffix. Actually, it is ist in Spanish (and other languages). I think the most widespread usage in English right now is barista. If you want me to explain why that's even cooler, you might as well have someone explain to you what cool is.

Destination Seattle 2009: Mann und Maus, Winger's, and a Doppelganger Washington Park Arboretum

My fiance, me, and my car trekked up to Seattle on Saturday to partake in the type of frivolity only the Puget Sound can provide. Naturally, being not only from Portland but technically from Vancouver, WA (read: Camas) , I feel a little Napoleonic to the Emerald City. The split dichotomy of residing in the state of Washington but closely feeling affinity to all things PDX (and therefore Oregon) has fostered a manic loyalty tug-of-war in my pysche. Do I love or despise Seattle?

We zipped up I-5 gaily and parked in a huge parking garage in the middle of the steeply terraced downtown. The garage was attached to the Art Museum but we wanted to explore a bit first before putting our art critic's hats on (berets, of course). Hmmm, but strangely we could find no exits except one that pealed an alarm when we opened the door. I guess we can expect no great user-friendliness from the city that gave us Microsoft.

Well, we also couldn't find a suitable place to eat and I had to expectorate so we decided to stave off eating until later. I most enjoyed the modern art at the museum, which actually sorta surprised me. The above picture shows a gigantic mouse sitting on top of a man in bed. Love it!

After frolicking from minimalism to maximalism (?) at the SAM, we again attempted to find a place to eat, finally setting on the Pike Pub, nestled somewhere in the bowels of Pike Place. I imbibed water and Rueben sandwich.

With Google Maps as our guide and Rothko as our inspiration, we quit the downtown and headed over to the Washington Park Arboretum. The well-travelled Northwesterner quickly realizes there is also an arboretum in Portland's Washington Park! Is this merely coincidence, or has Seattle dared to slug her little brother to the south? Turning to Wikipedia for peer-reviewed populist answers, I realize I have opened up a can of worms: Seattle's version of the arboretum "may have" started in 1920, while Portland's Hoyt started in 1922. *Grumble grumble* --point to Seattle. But wait, hold everything! Sure, the arboretums, but what about the parks themselves? Seattle's Washington Park: "Woodland and Washington Parks were purchased in 1900". Portland's WP: (drum roll) "The City of Portland purchased the original 40.78 acres (165,000 m2) in 1871 for $32,624" Boo yeah! (I seriously spent 15 minutes looking all this up)

The arboretum, despite its shady copycat beginnings, was pretty cool. For the record, I haven't even been to the Hoyt in Portland.

Our aesthetic escapade quickly turned coldly capitalistic as we visited the Aurora Supermall. Look it's a Sam's Club! No, it's an indoor gathering of factory outlets! It's SUPERmall! Well, the Supermall was rather a silly place so instead we went to sister Becky's Men's Wearhouse (not WAREhouse...get it?) I purchased gentlemanly items in preparation for my coming wedding. BTW, here's a link for that.

Somewhere in the nether regions of Seattle's hinterland I found a Winger's to have dinner at. As a disgraced former employee I feel no special bond to said restaurant, but I think I am addicted to the sauce. I got to see my nephew Isaiah and got to eat the corn dog bites I thought he might like (he didn't).

Closing thesis: Seattle is a great place to visit when you live in "Portland", full of charming/strange idiosyncrasies, and would be my second preferred metropolitan area to live in.

Oh yeah!

Keep on rockin' in the free world.

Captain Obvious

I'm going to idea-surf off something I heard on Colin Cowherd the other day. He was talking about how some of the stupid mistakes we see people make seem so obvious for us to fix. For example, it is obvious to everyone else that a physically abused wife should leave her husband, but that wife will defend him and still tell everyone he's a great person. Conversely, sometimes we make mistakes and we are in a complete fog. I'm in a fog like all of the time, so I know that is true with me. Here's a few arbitrary things that seem obvious to me:

• Peter, Paul and Mary's Wedding Song is absolutely a must-play at a wedding, and I'm not too picky.
• The Blazers all season long took too many outside jumpers. They needed to push up the tempo and take the ball to the hole!
  
• General Conference needs to get rid of the teleprompters.
• Everyone should get rid of their cars, we should rip up all the roads and build electrified rails everywhere.
• If newspapers give away all of their content for free on the Internet, their cost-based print versions will fail.
• In the same vein, why ever go to the movies or rent videos anymore? You can either get them for free or pay to see them in your home without going out and hassling with some teenager who makes you show your debit card twice and then has you walk around the corner to hand you the DVD because they think you are going to steal it!
• It is impossible to tie a string around someone's finger when they are moving.
• Why do they have phones that have buttons on the outside which cause you to accidentally call people when you put it in your pocket?
  
• Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigre? They're the same face! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

That's all for now. What else is obvious? Do tell, but go easy on me.