Trendy Suffix Watch: “-ist”

Hipsters and suits alike are buzzing over the latest designer suffix:

IST

I mean, what's the deal with those three letters? Everywhere I go people are adding –ist to the end of things. It's all over movies, blogs, books, and you may be next! A popular meme is to use the definite article preceding the title of a work. (e.g. The ___ist")

Here's some examples. The Illusionist (movie), The Alchemist (book), and about a billion blogs: The Consumerist, The Web Urbanist, The Futurist, The Transportationist, Nerdist, etc.

Maybe you haven't noticed yet, but it's the next big thing. In fact, prepare to be sick of it.

I guess people love labeling themselves followers/adherents/ proponents of very specific fields. This smart guy says that the suffix comes from Greek, packaged along with sister suffixes –ism and –ize, but many of the new –ists aren't interchangeable, adding further consternation to prescriptivist Greeks. I mean, even "prescriptivist" gets the squiggly red line and suggests the change to "prescriptivism."

I propose to out-hip the newest suffixists at their own game. Now, mind you, this is a bit before its time, but look for –ista. A suffix on the suffix. Actually, it is ist in Spanish (and other languages). I think the most widespread usage in English right now is barista. If you want me to explain why that's even cooler, you might as well have someone explain to you what cool is.

Destination Seattle 2009: Mann und Maus, Winger's, and a Doppelganger Washington Park Arboretum

My fiance, me, and my car trekked up to Seattle on Saturday to partake in the type of frivolity only the Puget Sound can provide. Naturally, being not only from Portland but technically from Vancouver, WA (read: Camas) , I feel a little Napoleonic to the Emerald City. The split dichotomy of residing in the state of Washington but closely feeling affinity to all things PDX (and therefore Oregon) has fostered a manic loyalty tug-of-war in my pysche. Do I love or despise Seattle?

We zipped up I-5 gaily and parked in a huge parking garage in the middle of the steeply terraced downtown. The garage was attached to the Art Museum but we wanted to explore a bit first before putting our art critic's hats on (berets, of course). Hmmm, but strangely we could find no exits except one that pealed an alarm when we opened the door. I guess we can expect no great user-friendliness from the city that gave us Microsoft.

Well, we also couldn't find a suitable place to eat and I had to expectorate so we decided to stave off eating until later. I most enjoyed the modern art at the museum, which actually sorta surprised me. The above picture shows a gigantic mouse sitting on top of a man in bed. Love it!

After frolicking from minimalism to maximalism (?) at the SAM, we again attempted to find a place to eat, finally setting on the Pike Pub, nestled somewhere in the bowels of Pike Place. I imbibed water and Rueben sandwich.

With Google Maps as our guide and Rothko as our inspiration, we quit the downtown and headed over to the Washington Park Arboretum. The well-travelled Northwesterner quickly realizes there is also an arboretum in Portland's Washington Park! Is this merely coincidence, or has Seattle dared to slug her little brother to the south? Turning to Wikipedia for peer-reviewed populist answers, I realize I have opened up a can of worms: Seattle's version of the arboretum "may have" started in 1920, while Portland's Hoyt started in 1922. *Grumble grumble* --point to Seattle. But wait, hold everything! Sure, the arboretums, but what about the parks themselves? Seattle's Washington Park: "Woodland and Washington Parks were purchased in 1900". Portland's WP: (drum roll) "The City of Portland purchased the original 40.78 acres (165,000 m2) in 1871 for $32,624" Boo yeah! (I seriously spent 15 minutes looking all this up)

The arboretum, despite its shady copycat beginnings, was pretty cool. For the record, I haven't even been to the Hoyt in Portland.

Our aesthetic escapade quickly turned coldly capitalistic as we visited the Aurora Supermall. Look it's a Sam's Club! No, it's an indoor gathering of factory outlets! It's SUPERmall! Well, the Supermall was rather a silly place so instead we went to sister Becky's Men's Wearhouse (not WAREhouse...get it?) I purchased gentlemanly items in preparation for my coming wedding. BTW, here's a link for that.

Somewhere in the nether regions of Seattle's hinterland I found a Winger's to have dinner at. As a disgraced former employee I feel no special bond to said restaurant, but I think I am addicted to the sauce. I got to see my nephew Isaiah and got to eat the corn dog bites I thought he might like (he didn't).

Closing thesis: Seattle is a great place to visit when you live in "Portland", full of charming/strange idiosyncrasies, and would be my second preferred metropolitan area to live in.

Oh yeah!

Keep on rockin' in the free world.

Captain Obvious

I'm going to idea-surf off something I heard on Colin Cowherd the other day. He was talking about how some of the stupid mistakes we see people make seem so obvious for us to fix. For example, it is obvious to everyone else that a physically abused wife should leave her husband, but that wife will defend him and still tell everyone he's a great person. Conversely, sometimes we make mistakes and we are in a complete fog. I'm in a fog like all of the time, so I know that is true with me. Here's a few arbitrary things that seem obvious to me:

• Peter, Paul and Mary's Wedding Song is absolutely a must-play at a wedding, and I'm not too picky.
• The Blazers all season long took too many outside jumpers. They needed to push up the tempo and take the ball to the hole!
  
• General Conference needs to get rid of the teleprompters.
• Everyone should get rid of their cars, we should rip up all the roads and build electrified rails everywhere.
• If newspapers give away all of their content for free on the Internet, their cost-based print versions will fail.
• In the same vein, why ever go to the movies or rent videos anymore? You can either get them for free or pay to see them in your home without going out and hassling with some teenager who makes you show your debit card twice and then has you walk around the corner to hand you the DVD because they think you are going to steal it!
• It is impossible to tie a string around someone's finger when they are moving.
• Why do they have phones that have buttons on the outside which cause you to accidentally call people when you put it in your pocket?
  
• Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigre? They're the same face! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

That's all for now. What else is obvious? Do tell, but go easy on me.

Joelyssa

I am getting married!

McGriddles, Hash Browns, and OJ: A Foray into the Seedy Underbelly of My Breakfasts

Yeah, I know that this is my second entry on food in a row, but I feel that I must mention my other work-related indulgence: fast food breakfasts. Like my cookie fix, I withheld from giving in for quite a long time. The problem is, once the precedence is set, I am like an uncaged beast.

Drawbacks: Fast food breakfasts are unhealthy. They are greasy and make you fat. They leave a greasy aftertaste in your mouth for the rest of the day. Also, eating everyday costs money.

Benefits: They are so good! The Hash Browns are maybe the best-- I always eat them first. And actually, fast food breakfasts are generally cheaper than fast food lunches.



Cost: Medium
Premier Item: I always go for the McGriddle--it is a syrupy, bacon, egg, and cheese monster. It takes some gettin' used to, but it is a sweet and savory sensation.
Hash Browns: Triangle
Drink: I always get OJ, and theirs is more expensive because it is from the soda fountain. On the other hand, they give you more OJ.



Cost: High
Premier Food: It's not as obvious as the McGriddle, but I like their biscuit sandwiches. BK seems to fill me up the most.
Hash Browns: Pellet form.
Drink: The OJ comes in a small Minute Maid carton.



Cost: Low
Premier Food: It's all about the same. Nothing stands out to me.
Hash Brown: Tater Tot form.
Drink: They also rock the snall Minute Maid carton.

I have also tried Burgerville, but they are too expensive, and take longer, plus I didn't think they brought anything too special to the table.

So, yeah. Cookies and fast food breakfasts. That's what I shove down my pie hole when I work.

If you give a Joel a Cookie OR What Do I Want--a Cookie?

At work about twice a week I stop by the office for a group of condominiums. They always have a plate of cookies out and they are so delicious. Here is the evolution of my relationship with the cookies:

1. I would notice the plate of cookies and look longingly at them for a brief few seconds, and then move on.

2. After a few months or so, If none of the employees were around, I would sneak a cookie and hide it in the palm of my hand and then devour it ravenously when I returned to the van.

3. After I got back from school this time and returned to this job, I reasoned that it was pretty immature of me to take cookies so I decided not do it anymore.

4. One day, out of nowhere, one of the employees ASKED me if I wanted a cookie!

5. This same employee started to suggest it every time I came in. I felt like I had turned a page in my life. It was wonderful. I would look forward to it all day.

6. Sometimes I would joke that I would get fat. Sometimes I would forgo one, self-conscious that I might lose some goodwill.

7. Months go by. Just the other day, for the first time, I realized that I was so confident in taking a cookie without even being prompted that I no longer just wanted one cookie, but that I clearly needed--no, deserved-- TWO cookies.

8. To pull off the double-cookie coup I wanted the same conditions that I wanted so long ago: namely, no employees around.

9. As I mulled this around in my head on Friday, I went in, and analyzed the situation: the coast was clear. I did my business, swung by the plate, swiped two cookies and continued walking out like I owned the place. Back in the van, I snickered in fiendish delight, wallowing in self-crapulence.


And thus we see the slow descent that comes upon me when you dangle a delicious morsel in front of me. What placates me now will be a pittance later. What will I try next? Three cookies? Four? The whole plate?